My Wallowing Song of the Day
Well, I didn't get to wallow too much today.
But then, maybe I need a new definition of the word, Wallow.
Does it mean sitting at home, watching Beaches and Steel Magnolias and Casablanca and eating mounds of cookie dough while not showering nor changing from the pajamas you've been wearing for the past few days?
Or does it mean obsessing over the crappy hand you helped deal yourself while trying to work/go to school/drive/homework/chat with friends, while clean and with a fresh scent of Green Tea wafting around you in a brand new button down with your hair all boppy and curly?
Because if we redefine the word, I've been wallowing all day.
I broke out the Testimony cd today, and had the song Maybe on repeat the entire way to and from work. Dana Glover can sure get you down when she wants to. I'm still depressed. But I'm resolved, I'm not lifting a finger to fix this until someone else lifts a finger. I didn't start this, and I'm not gonna be the one to cave.
Now it seems that I've moved on to the Billie Holiday stuff. She's pretty good at making you sad too. If you can't tell, I'm in the masochistic phase of this thing. I just... I want a time machine. I want to make this better, but I don't want to be the first one to do it. Because I don't want to have the conversation that I was going to have that I didn't want to have because of what I knew was going to happen.
Yeah, I know. I babble incoherantly when I'm in the masochistic phase.
And thanks to my girls, who helped me loads last night, even though I don't seem like it at this moment in time. Especially Ames, who listened to my entire tirade the entire way through, despite her own crappy sitch. I don't know what I would do without you guys, as I can't tell anyone in the Real World, as this would end up huger than it is, and I don't want that.
And Ames, I might take you up on that offer, depending on what happens.
Katherine
But then, maybe I need a new definition of the word, Wallow.
Does it mean sitting at home, watching Beaches and Steel Magnolias and Casablanca and eating mounds of cookie dough while not showering nor changing from the pajamas you've been wearing for the past few days?
Or does it mean obsessing over the crappy hand you helped deal yourself while trying to work/go to school/drive/homework/chat with friends, while clean and with a fresh scent of Green Tea wafting around you in a brand new button down with your hair all boppy and curly?
Because if we redefine the word, I've been wallowing all day.
I broke out the Testimony cd today, and had the song Maybe on repeat the entire way to and from work. Dana Glover can sure get you down when she wants to. I'm still depressed. But I'm resolved, I'm not lifting a finger to fix this until someone else lifts a finger. I didn't start this, and I'm not gonna be the one to cave.
Now it seems that I've moved on to the Billie Holiday stuff. She's pretty good at making you sad too. If you can't tell, I'm in the masochistic phase of this thing. I just... I want a time machine. I want to make this better, but I don't want to be the first one to do it. Because I don't want to have the conversation that I was going to have that I didn't want to have because of what I knew was going to happen.
Yeah, I know. I babble incoherantly when I'm in the masochistic phase.
And thanks to my girls, who helped me loads last night, even though I don't seem like it at this moment in time. Especially Ames, who listened to my entire tirade the entire way through, despite her own crappy sitch. I don't know what I would do without you guys, as I can't tell anyone in the Real World, as this would end up huger than it is, and I don't want that.
And Ames, I might take you up on that offer, depending on what happens.
Katherine
posted by rosie4299 at 7:41 PM
3 Comments:
I wasn't wallowing, but I looked like I was. I spent the day in and out of bed, the doctor's office, and the bathroom. Bladder infections suck. But at least I didn't go to work. I'm gonna write and hopefully get lots of much needed sleep tonight, as I got none last night.
Keep those nails shiny! Pretty things surrounding you will help keep your resolve strong. Someday you and he will look back on this, together, and hindsight will be a beautiful thing.
Until then, chin up, crank the tunes, and make some brownies!
love,
ames
You want to know how bad this whole thing is?
I'm too far gone to make brownies. I cook when I'm pissed, and right now, I'm just way too sad. I can't seem to focus on anything. This sucks.
Thanks for all that love you heaped on me. I so needed it. And I'm so annoyed that we got disconnected! I have been trying to get my computer to go back online since we got cut off, it sucks! But I'm back, if you want/need to chat. I'll be on for a while. I've got some schoolwork I desperately need distracting from, if you're interested in the job!
K
Aww, I will bake the brownies for you. :D
Hope you'd be feeling better soon.
And oh, you're holding out on us, you kisser you...
~M
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